I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
