I wish i was in the wii world.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
