I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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