So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
