just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
