I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
