In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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