How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
