Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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