i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
