i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
