How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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