I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
