He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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