last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
