So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
