Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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