I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
