I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
