I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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