Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
