he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
