Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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