I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
