Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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