its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
