my mouth tastes like poor choices
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
