I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
