Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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