i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
