she was so not down for the gang bang
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
