I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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