Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
