btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
