I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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