I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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