She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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