I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
