so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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