Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
