4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
