Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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