I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
