wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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