i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
