I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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