I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling