My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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