Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO