Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...