You're my little dorito
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.