There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
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Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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