You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they're like a gay fantastic four
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.