drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
