So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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