I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
