areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
