im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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