Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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