Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
