420 ftw
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
