A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
