a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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