It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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