I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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