New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
