Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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