There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
