I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
