a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
