she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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