I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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