Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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