just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
