i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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