My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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