I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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