my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
