dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
