About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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