You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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