we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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