shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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