ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
