Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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